The Dreaded C-word

As much as I love Christmas, a part of me dreads it at the same time.  I think it stems back to when I was a kid.  Since my parents were divorced, I was bounced around my entire Christmas break trying to attend a million Christmases at different relatives homes and I would get sick every year.  Now that I have kids, the stress is even greater.  Between relatives and presents and non-stop schedules, I am exhausted.  Well yesterday my Christmas got a little worse.

My step-mom told me that my dad was diagnosed with skin cancer.  It's basal cell carcinoma - which is the best kind of cancer to have if you're going to get cancer.  Basically it means it hasn't spread, it's very common, and treatment involves cutting it out.  He won't need radiation or chemotherapy.  Although that is a relief, it's bringing little comfort at the moment.  For one, as soon as I hear cancer, I immediately have bad thoughts.  Second, my grandfather (my dad's dad) died from skin cancer.  He had melanoma but still...If it was any other family member I might not be so worried.  But my dad takes no responsibility for himself or his actions.  He didn't even ask the doctor any questions when they told him he had cancer. 

The thing that makes me feel the worst is that I am angry.  I am not sad, I am not sympathetic.  I'm just pissed.  He sits outside and fries - the man doesn't tan.  AND he has no plans of changing.  They are going to Key West for Christmas and he told my step-mom that he wasn't going to wear sunscreen b/c he sees no reason to change anything.  His father DIED from this disease and he sees no reason to protect himself.  This is a man who smokes like a chimney and told my sister that if he developed lung cancer then it was God's choice, so why should he quit.  I have a strong desire to beat the shit out of him.  Speaking of my sister, he didn't even tell her about it.  Why would they bother telling me and not tell her??  You can't pick and choose which of your children you're going to tell you have cancer and which one your not going to say anything too.  It's either both or neither.

I'm really sorry for complaining but I had to get this out tonight.  I'm having Christmas dinner with them tomorrow and I was afraid I would explode on him if I didn't get it out.  Then again, maybe an explosion is what he needs.  Maybe he needs someone to beat some sense into his thick skull before he kills himself via complacentcy.  Also, I'd like to thank Courtney.  She made me feel so much better about the whole thing this afternoon.  Unfortunately the anger hasn't worn off yet.